Stories & Achievements: Tahan and Neil’s Story
Tahan and Neil’s story: a deep connection
“Dad’s stroke was a stage five cerebral haemorrhage in August 2016, which is one of the worst aneurysms you can have. He was airlifted from Gresford to John Hunter Hospital where he spent three months. Dad then had a stroke while in an induced coma and was in and out of surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain.
I was up at the hospital every day in those months because I wanted to just check how Dad was going with the doctors and give an update to the family each day. I was 20 at the time so it was a weird experience for me.
I decided to take on what I could as I was the closest one to Dad in proximity. Dad likes to have family close by and has a daughter and two other sons all in the Hunter Region. He sees them all fairly often. It was just easiest for me to keep check ups on him and be there day to day.
“I always had a good relationship with Dad too. But regardless of that, when it’s family you do what you’ve got to do for them.”
At the end of the day parents look after you for so much of your life. It goes both ways. It’s a two way street. Sometimes that happens sooner than you think and you end up looking after them.
When Dad initially came out of hospital we didn’t know what the future was going to hold, so he went into aged care because it was close by to his parents and they could come and see him regularly. That was for four years, but four years too long if I’m honest. They had no idea how to deal with brain injury. It was just the wrong place and he wasn’t happy at all.
Dad moved from aged care to a SIL house two years ago. It was a huge step up and he has his own little flat at the SIL, but the other residents are non verbal so he misses the social interaction. Thankfully all of Dads care needs are being met. He also has his own space to have family around for birthdays and things. It’s also just down the road from my place which is convenient for me.
Long-term Dad would still rather be somewhere else living with family, but just at this point in time none of us has capacity to be able to do it properly. Something I want to consider in the future is in-home care, or just figuring out my own career, finances and the timing to be able to do it. Ideally I’ll have a house of my own with proper accessibility. It’s all possible for the future, and it’s one of Dad’s long-term goals.
I work for Big W now and juggle seeing Dad around my shifts. On another note I previously I worked at Boolaroo Sports Club at The Blind Chef with Ian who is legally blind. I was his first employee as a cook and I also did front of house. It was around 2020 or 2021 that The Living Room (TV show) did a story and they renovated the dining room at the club over a week of filming.”
Neil is proud of his son Tahan who is closely involved in his care and concerned about his father’s daily wellbeing.
“I just see it as normal,” says Tahan, “It’s what you do. I think that our situation is much better when compared to a lot of people. Dad’s four children are still all around him. His own mum is going strong at 94 years of age and still lives on her own in Maitland. We go and see her every two weeks. Dad has a sister too, so a lot of family close by. He is a real family man.”
“Dad wanted to swim again, and so we got help from the physio who gave us pool recommendations and helped us with the equipment we needed.”
“I used to be a diver” says Neil, who was springboard diving State champion at age 18. A man of many talents and varied experiences, Neil has worked as a plumber (so naturally a lot of experience with water!) been a security guard, a private detective and even had a goat farm. Neil’s creative talents include painting, drawing, and wood carving. There’s clearly a lot below the surface with soft spoken Neil.
“Coming to the pool twice a week is definitely a two person operation, so Headstart’s support is important. The hydrotherapy sessions have really helped in so many ways and it’s something he really enjoys. I have been swimming with him for the past two years now.
We do 45 minutes of laps, pushing off the wall, then adjust his float so that he can walk a bit in the water. Being in the water takes the weight and pressure off his body so that he’s not in the chair all the time. I see his body relax so much and I know that he appreciates having me close by.
“Dad’s physical ability has improved as a result of his swimming. There’s still a lot of improvement that can be done, but generally speaking he is much more active than he was. Tenfold in fact. Plus his happiness levels have increased so much since leaving the nursing home. ”
Otherwise Dad likes go out for lunch and have a beer and we do other exercises which we are given by physios throughout the week too which. Recovery Station help us with OT and speech pathologists and dieticians, all supported by Headstart support workers throughout the week. So we’re quite flexible, and it depends on how much Dad feels like doing on any particular day. Some days he just feels like more of a chill out.”
“Hard work and rehab have helped a great deal, but on the flipside not everything has been successful. At one stage we went back to Rankin Park to try steroids to attempt to loosen Dad’s leg constriction, but that didn’t work out. We’ve tried other things too. Dad has feeling and can move his limbs, but can’t bear weight. His core and centre is what needs more strengthening and so we’re working on it.
We’ve got good NDIS funding now and get Headstart support five days a week, plus one Saturday a fortnight. We do the rehab exercises across that time with the help of support workers. We’re very lucky to have had Headstart as our agency since the nursing home. We’ve relied on the support workers to interact with Dad during the week, especially when I’m working, which has been great.
As an agency which directly focuses on people with ABI, Headstart has been a perfect fit with regards to the type of care and the type of understanding we receive. They have transport with wheelchair vehicles so Dad and we can go out and do things like the swimming.
Across the week we’ve got Georgia, Chris, Keryn, Ashton, Louis and Brad and they’re all really great. It’s been very interesting seeing all these different people from different backgrounds and careers who choose to do support work for Headstart. Such a variety of people with lots of knowledge that they each bring.
On Mondays Headstart help to take Neil to the movies or social outings. They take him to go and see to Mum which he wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. We go out to do wheelchair practice to get more confident in skills. Together with the workers we go out and do some exercises to work on flexibility and movement.
Occasionally some of the support workers will just go and have a good chat with Dad. They talk about things they used to do back in the day, which is nice. Then of course twice a week we go swimming for exercise, which Dad so enjoys in a place that he feels comfortable.”
